In a moment that is supposed to be reserved for rest when everything around you calms down, there is only one thing that resists stopping: your mind. You tell yourself that you’ll only open your phone “for a few minutes” to quickly check your mail, and then you find yourself back in the same vortex you tried to escape from.
Here a question arises that seems simple, but it carries within it a lot of complexity: Why are some people unable to stop working, even during vacations and rest periods?
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Continuing to work during the holidays does not always reflect ambition or commitment as it appears on the surface, but rather may be a reflection of a deeper state. Recent readings in work and leadership behavior indicate that the inability to psychologically separate from work is sometimes linked to a hidden internal anxiety, and an unconscious feeling that stopping itself may be a risk, not a relief.
Job burnout “the silent killer”
When you work constantly, non-stop, without real time off, you put yourself at risk of “burnout.” This fatigue is not just a feeling of being tired, it is an emotional, psychological and physical reaction to constant stress that comes as a result of prolonged stress, and often creeps up without you noticing.
When you reach the point of burnout, you may feel that you have nothing more to offer or that you have simply lost your ability to care. Burnout drains your energy and productivity and extends its impact to your personal life. People who suffer from it may be more susceptible to anxiety, depression, psychological distress, poor decision-making, short attention span, lack of motivation, and a negative outlook on life.
A 2005 study showed that women who do not take regular vacations are two to three times more likely to develop depression than women who take regular vacations. In a study that followed more than 12,000 men for nine years, it was found that men who do not take annual leave are 32% more likely to die from a heart attack. The researchers also found that the risk of heart attack and death was eight times higher among women who rarely took vacations, compared to women who took at least one vacation every two to five years.
Regarding the importance of vacations, Natalie Dattilo, a clinical psychologist and lecturer in psychology at Harvard Medical School, says that giving up all responsibilities – even for just 24 hours – can help you return to work and life with a new vision, and make you feel more calm, capable, and perhaps even productive.
“Physical” leave is not enough
The real problem lies in that moment when you take your vacation, while your mind remains stuck in the vortex of work. You may find yourself on a quiet beach or on a far-away trip, yet continue to think about tasks and responsibilities as if you never left your desk.
Studies show that comfort is not achieved simply by being physically distant from work, but rather depends mainly on the ability to psychologically separate from it, as it is the decisive factor in regaining activity and alleviating the burden of fatigue.
Vacation is not enough if a person remains connected to his tasks, follows e-mail or thinks about his professional responsibilities, because this keeps the mind in a constant state of alert and prevents true relaxation. Physical distancing alone does not address the roots of the problem if it is not accompanied by a change in thinking patterns and setting clear boundaries between work and personal life.
The inability to achieve this separation explains why many people return from their vacations still feeling the same stress. For some, vacation may turn into an additional source of stress if they remain mentally preoccupied with what awaits them after returning or feel that they are “falling short” due to their temporary absence from work. Here vacation becomes merely a change of scenery, not of psychological state.
“Fear of stopping”… when comfort turns into an internal threat
What makes it so difficult to stop thinking about work? In fact, this does not happen by chance. Rather, there are a number of overlapping psychological factors behind it that weaken the ability to mentally disconnect from work, the most prominent of which are:
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Integration of identity and work
For some people, work is not just a daily task, but rather gradually becomes part of self-definition. With the moment of pause – even if it is short – a heavy internal question arises: Who am I apart from this role? It is as if turning off the computer not only ends the workday, but also threatens a deeper sense of existence. Here it is not a matter of weak will or poor time management, but rather an identity that has been formed over the years around achievement and production, without being seriously examined or questioned.
Some people work non-stop for the sake of achieving some kind of “reassurance”. The absence of knowledge of what is happening at work seems unbearable to them, so they imagine that their constant presence is a condition for things to be stable and not to collapse. Thus constant attention becomes the only possible form of security.
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Value associated with production
This factor often dates back to childhood, when some grow up in environments that link personal value to achievement, where comfort is interpreted as “idleness,” and productivity is direct evidence of entitlement. With time, this perception does not disappear, but is reproduced within modern professional language: “results first,” “full commitment,” while in depth it is an extension of an older and more established idea: that stopping production means a decline in value.
When one or more of these factors are present, vacations fail to cure burnout, because downtime itself triggers internal anxiety and a feeling of loss of control.
From manager to employee… How does the burnout infection spread?
The behavior of leaders and managers in the workplace does not remain limited to them, but is gradually transmitted to the rest of the levels. When employees see that “busy equals success,” the entire workplace culture turns into a system of collective attrition.
When some leaders reward a culture of continuous work, and show their preference for those who remain available without interruption, they – intentionally or unintentionally – contribute to spreading what resembles a “contagion of burnout” within the work environment. It no longer remains an individual behavior, but rather turns into an undeclared standard of belonging and success.
In this context, statements by Stuart Machin, CEO of the British retail company Marks & Spencer, sparked widespread controversy when he expressed his lack of preference for leaders who completely disconnect during vacations, and his reservations about the recurring discussion about “work-life balance.” These statements – which reached a huge audience – turned into a gateway to a broader debate about the nature of modern leadership, the limits of expectations within work environments, and whether the “always-on” culture reflects real productive power or reproduces burnout.
When the inability to switch off from work is presented as a sign of true leadership, constant presence becomes a standard of commitment and dedication, and psychological safety is lost. Convenience is then seen as a form of risk and individuals make decisions based on what seems acceptable, rather than what is healthy. In the end, this pressure does not serve the work itself, as it causes employees to stop using their full intellectual potential because they are exhausted.
How do you stop working without feeling guilty?
The psychology literature suggests that the ability to “mentally disengage” from work is a learnable skill, not a fixed trait. You can start with simple but effective steps, including:
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1- Ask yourself honestly: Why don’t I stop?
Find the reason behind your constant presence and inability to stop working. The next time you feel the urge to check your phone during break time, even when there’s no reason to do so, don’t just resist it.
Ask yourself: What am I afraid I’ll miss? The answer will be a direct indicator that leads you to the reason. Write it down, one word is enough to get started.
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2- Gradually train your brain to separate
In the next step, you need to regain your sense of control over your thoughts and feelings, so you realize that stopping does not mean losing value or control. Separate your identity from your job role. Set aside one hour a day during which you do not have any professional engagement: go for a walk, exercise, spend time with your children or friends and leave your phone in another room.
The goal here is not to “achieve balance” all at once, but rather to remind yourself that you have existence and meaning outside of work. You don’t have to do it perfectly, but the most important thing is to keep trying.
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3- Do not wait until it is completely drained
It is wise to commit to taking a mental rest day on a regular basis, perhaps once every two or three months. “The trap we fall into is waiting too long or putting it off, thinking we don’t have enough time now,” explains Dattilo. “Here, we may miss out on rest to the point that we will need more than a day to recharge,” she adds. “Think of it as pre-charging, rather than waiting for your energy to run out.”
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4- Protect your rest day from work intrusion
Once you decide to take a day to relax, the question arises: How do I use this time? Whatever you do, avoid work tasks as much as possible. Turn off professional notifications and stop checking email if possible. Make this day dedicated to relaxation and self-care: sleeping in late, reading a book, having a massage or skin care session, going for a walk in nature, meeting up with friends, or doing postponed hobbies.
Dattilo warns that many people tend to turn a rest day into a new to-do list, replacing professional work with another kind of work.
In the end, it’s not about rejecting work or ambition, but rather asking a different question: How can I continue without burning myself out? The answer often starts with a simple decision: to allow the “on” button to turn off a little, so that everything else does not turn off.
