Published 10.34
More than half a century has passed since the famous “click” in Munich in 1972. This year, the royal couple – together with 32,900 other people who also married in 1976 – celebrate their golden wedding.
Despite the fact that Sweden ranks high in divorce statistics in Europe, figures from Statistics Norway show that long marriages are an upward trend. Increased average life expectancy and improved public health have meant that more people are getting old enough to celebrate their golden wedding anniversary before one of them falls away.
So how do you make the relationship continue to “click” over the years?
The king and queen do not share that much marital advice in the interviews the couple gave before the celebration. The king is content to state that “we have a good time and work well together” – but also adds consensus, openness and trust in each other as important keys to the relationship.
Love hard work
And the three building blocks also prove to have support in research. Emma Engdahl is a professor of sociology at the University of Gothenburg and has written several books about love and how to keep it alive at different stages of life.
– One of the most important insights is not to believe that love takes care of itself. A long-term love relationship actually involves hard work. Love needs attention. Not all the time and it doesn’t have to be grand, but recurring, she says.
The couples who are now celebrating their golden weddings met in the 1970s, but it is a mistake to think that the person you fell in love with will stay the same for life.
– We humans change and you need to be curious about who the other person has become and feel joy in the fact that it adds new perspectives. It can create tension in the relationship, says Emma Engdahl.
Freedom from responsibility
The threshold for royal divorces is high, but Emma Engdahl believes that there is a risk that we generally give up on relationships too easily.
– The royal couple have been together for 50 years and that is a very long time. In that way, they can function as a symbolic role model in the sense that they represent longevity, shared responsibility and continuity. It is valuable in an age where we talk more often about breakups than about endurance.
– Today it is not shameful to divorce and it is good, but it is like a freedom from responsibility. Unfortunately, love has been commercialized in such a way that we see potential partners as commodities in a market and think that maybe someone is a little better and a little more exciting than the one I’m living with right now. But there are no long-term relationships that aren’t boring, difficult and a little troublesome at times, she says.
Supportive partner
Remembering the promises that were once made can give stability to the relationship, and staying and fighting even when it is difficult can in the long run deepen the love. In TV4’s program “The Royal Couple – 50 years together”, it is precisely this that Prince Carl Philip highlights as one of the strengths of the parents’ relationship.
– Despite some difficult times, they have chosen to be that supportive partner next to them. I’ve seen that in several different contexts, it’s very nice, he says.
– A good relationship role model is not a couple that never has problems, but a couple that shows respect, can bear differences and does not humiliate each other in public, says Emma Engdahl.
The expert’s five keys to a long relationship
Recognition. To feel seen as a human being and not just as a function, the one who fixes, the one who earns money or takes responsibility.
Friendliness. Is absolutely fundamental. Tone of voice, looks, small gestures, touching each other. Respect in everyday life.
Justice. Prolonged injustice in terms of housework, finances, freedom and responsibility often creates bitterness.
Repairability. All couples hurt each other sometimes and then it is absolutely crucial to say sorry, “I understand you”, “I want to try again”.
Curiosity. That you don’t think you know who the other person is. That you continue to ask, listen, play, laugh and do new things together.
