Welcome to Late Night Roundup, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.
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President Trump told reporters on Monday that the algae bloom in the newly renovated Lincoln Memorial Reflecting Pool is not his fault. Late night hosts poked fun at the business hired to install the pool’s new water-treatment system: Greenwater Services.
“They nailed it,” Jimmy Fallon said. “Mission accomplished.”
“Did they replace the water with Mountain Dew?” — JON STEWART
“Some people like to spend the summer hanging at the pool; some prefer relaxing in the lush green countryside — while President Trump was like, ‘Why not both?’” — JIMMY FALLON
On “The Daily Show,” Jon Stewart agreed with Jimmy Fallon, who said that John J. Cafaro, the head of the trust that owns Greenwater Services, resembled something of a gangster.
“Does Trump do business with anyone normal? Even the pool guy looks like an extra from ‘Guys and Dolls.’” — JON STEWART
“The pool guy bribed the congressman and now he gets the pool contract — that tracks. ‘[imitating gangster] What do I do? Let’s just say I’m in the chlorine management business.’” — JON STEWART
“It’s like Donnie Brasco got stung by a bee.” — JON STEWART
“He looks like a gangster Fred Flintstone. [imitating gangster] Yabba dabba doo.’” — JIMMY FALLON
“He looks like someone whose office is a table outside a butcher shop in Jersey.” — JIMMY FALLON
“Yeah, too bad he didn’t hire the Blue Man Group.” — JIMMY FALLON
The Punchiest Punchlines (Memorandum of Understanding Edition)
“Finally, a deal with Iran and I love this deal. We got everything we wanted, except for everything we asked for.” — BILL MAHER
“I just hope we play Iran in the World Cup so we can beat them at something.” — BILL MAHER
“First of all, it’s not a deal. It’s a memorandum of understanding. It’s about as legally binding as the sign in the break room that says ‘Please clean microwave.’” — BILL MAHER
“I mean, you know, we started with unconditional surrender, Operation Epic Fury and now it’s ‘memorandum of understanding.’ Last thing that got hosed this bad was my dog.” — BILL MAHER
“Where’s the big dealmaker? What happened to ‘The Art of the Deal’? This is his big close? Well I got news for you: The emperor has no close.” — BILL MAHER
The Bits Worth Watching
John Oliver shared how feral hogs have become a destructive species in America on Sunday’s “Last Week Tonight.”
What We’re Excited About on Tuesday Night
The “Gangland” star Lou Diamond Phillips will appear on Tuesday’s “Daily Show.”
